The Past and Habits
by pepe132
Summary: Mainly Chris with future people and Chris's self destructive habit. No one knows Chris's identity yet.please read and review
1. Habits

_Can't belie__ve I'm here again. The place I left so long ago. The place that tore my life away. And I'm not talking literaly, I'm talking about my habits. My FUCKING self destructive habits. The ones that took so long to leave behind. But I cant help but feel this way, so little, so inferior, and so depressed. Like nothing matters anymore._

_I'm in the shower as I feel the warm water hit me I look down at the red gash on my wrist. That makes thirtee nnow . I guess i should clean up now and head to the manor, many demons to hunt today. For a second I think if this is all worth it, coming to the past to try and save Wyatt but the doubt leaves my mind right away and I finish getting ready as i put on a black long sleeve shirt and some black jeans._

_As i orb into the manor and I see the girls are bearly having breakfast. _

_"Hey Piper, Phoebe, Paige," I say as I enter the kitchen,"you guys ready to go hunting?" I can see they are all tired and arent really looking for a saturday of demon hunting._

_"Ugh." Paige groans."Chris come on it's a saturday and were all tired. Cant you let us rest for a day." Phobe says. Piper looking now more awake says, "We were planning on going to the park and have a picnic with Sheila and Darryl, why dont you join us Chris. You need to relax yourself." I was a little surprise at the invitation no I was extremely surprise at the invitation. The girls even though they are my family and don't know never seemed to trust me and now they are inviting me to a picnic. I'll admit the offer was tempting but I can't let myself get distracted now._

_I was about to respond when i heard a crash coming from upstairs."Wyatt!" I heard Piper say but i was already orbing to the attic._

_As i got there I saw to girls lying on the floor. Paige and Phoebe came in stood next to me watching, waiting._

_As the girls stood up I imeaditely recognized them, I mean it's not easy to forget your on flesh and blood. I imeaditely felt my blood rising. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?!" I barked at them. Both of them didn't even flinch. I took this time to notice how much they have change. Mel, my sister had long brown her like mom but green eyes with flecks of brown in them, she had grown a bit more taller and had the qualities of a woman now. Prue, my cousin had shoulder long dark brown hair, hazel eyes and the body of a woman and I stopped myself quickly before my thoughts got to ahead of me, I mean she's my cousin and I shouldn't be thinking like that about her. But what i noticed the most was the pain in their eyes and the exhaustion._

_"What no welcome hug for your sister and cousin Chris?" Mel said with a smirk as Prue smiled._

_"Chris, who are they? You never mention a sister much less a cousin." Paige asks just as Piper comes into the room holding Wyatt. "Ok, whats going on?"Piper asks_

_"Well Piper this is my sister Mel," I say pointing at my sister,"and thats Prue." I say pointing at my cousin. I quickly grab my sister's and cousin's arm and orb out before the girls start questioning and any secrets get revealed. _

_As I orbed into a secluded part of the Golden Gate Park I let go of them and ask again,"What are you doing here?" I say in a calmer but still frustrated voice. They both sit in a bench near by and Mel sighs as she begins,"Chris...the resistance they are a-all g-gone. Wyatt broke through the defenses and no one could stop him.They are all dead..."Mel finished looking down."Oh god." I bearly whispered. Prue continued looking at me with teary eyes,"We tried to save them but by the time we got there it was to l-late," Mel choked back a sob," he even killed Charlie, his own cousin."Said Prue now with tears rollong down her cheeks."This is all my fault." I say as _I take a seat between them putting a comforting arm around each of them."No it's not Chris." Mel says looking at me and I see she has been crying too. "You only would've gotten yourself killed we bearly made it out alive and with nowhere to go well we came back here."

We sat there for a while just thinking.Then I got up,"We should go back they are probably worrying and trying to find us." I say as I feel guilt and anger wash over me.

"Yeah, you're right Chris lets go." Prue said as she got up followed by Mel.

Remembering I tell them, "They don't know much just that I came back to protect Wyatt and that I'm a whitelighter.So careful not to reaveal any secrets okay?" I sighed as I finished.

They both nod looking slightly disappointed. Prue grabs Mel's hand and we orb back to the manor nowing there will be questiones.


	2. Past

AN: 260 hits no reviews. PLEASE review I like constructive criticism anything to help me improve. Thank you.

As we orb back to the manor I noticed that the girls are scrying for us. They look up at us noticing we got there and as expected,"CHRIS!",they all shout at the same time."Where have you been? We've been calling and scrying for you!" Pipers says in a frustrated voice.

"And you leave with your cousin and sister without saying or explaining anything and expect us to trust you." Paige continues.

"I think it is time for you to start explaining Chris we're tired of your games." Phoebe finishes with a sigh.

"Ok but I cant answer every question you ask so you know." I answered back at them.

"Ok," Piper says uncertain where to begin,"Who are they and what are they doing here?" She said while pointing at Prue and Mel.

"Well...", I begin carefully picking my words," they're my sister and cousin like I said Mel and Prue." I now had my hands buried in my pockets and could feel them begin to sweat as a strange but familiar desire crept up on me. God no, not now, not here I can't get the urge to do that now.

"Chris? What's wrong why are you so anxious?" Mel says as she puts a comforting arm on my shoulder and I feel myself calm done a bit. "No reason, I'm fine Mel." I whispered while looking down. "The reason they are here is because the resistance in the future was destroyed and they being the only survivors came back to help me save Wyatt."

They all look deep in thought, probably surprised at the fact that I told them more now than all the time that I've been here. Finally Piper reacts and asks, "Resistances against who?"

I scratch my arm and answer, "The evil overlord of the future or the source of all evil it doesn't really matter. Now if you'll excuse me I need to use the bathroom." I say and orb out.

"What's wrong with him?" Prue asks Mel. "I don't know..."

"Can you sense him."

"Yeah he's in the bathroom."

Finally noticing that they aren't alone in the room they look up and notice thar their family is just staring at them wierdly."So..." Mel says nervously.

"Well I guess we should go." Prue says putting an arm on Mel's shoulder.

"Wait." Piper says,"How would you like to join us for a picnic today."

"Uhmm, I'm not sure we should go." Mel responds.

"Well I think you should go it will help Chris relax he has been hunting demons like crazy an you can notice he's stressed out."

"Well we'll ask him to see what he tthinks."

"Ok well I'm guessing you probably don't have a place to stay so you're welcomed to stay in our guest room if you'd like to?"

Mel turns to look at Prue for conformation before answering and she nods. "Well I guess I"ll take you up on your offer Piper."

"Ok then let me show you to your room." Piper says as she leaves downstairs and everyone follows.

As I orb into the bathroom I reach for the first drawer to the left and grab the razor that I keep there. I leaned against the wall and slowly slide down 'till I'm sitting in the floor. I can feel tears in my eyes but I hold them back as everything is just too familiar with Mel and Prue being here I feel like it is all happening again. I can see it all replaying over and over in my head. Me, Mel and Prue were 14 and Wyatt was 15.

_"DAD!DAD!I NEED YOU!" I'm shouting at the top of my lungs as I can feel tears rolling down my cheeks. I'm holding my mom's hand as I see she's drifting in and out of conscious._

_"Chris, honey look at me. Everything will be ok things were ment to be this way. Baby I want you to know that I love you and your brother and sister no matter what and be good for me Chris, take care of Mel and Wyatt and don't forget that this is not your fault." Piper bearly whispers struggling to stay awake._

_" No mom...please you can't die I love you mom." I finish saying as she finally closes her eyes for the last time. "NOOO!" I scream as I start to cry uncontrollably the pain being to much to handle._

_At that moment Wyat, Mel and Prue come in with ice cream and drop it a soon as they see what's going on. "MOM!" Both Wyatt and Mel scream as they run over to me and mom and Prue looks like she just went in shock._

_"Dad!" Wyatt screams and Leo quickly orbs in. "Piper! Wyatt what happen here." Leo says quickly pushing Chris out of the way trying to heal his wife. "I don't k-know." Wyatt stutters as Melinda begins to cry too. "Oh god, she's dead." Leo chokes out not being able to heal her. "NO! This CAN'T happen!" Wyatt shouts and Mel just cries even more whispering mom over and over again as she rocks back and forth on the floor while Prue sits next to her holding her and comforting her as silent tears roll down her cheeks. After a couple of minutes of shock, Leo asks in a shaky voice, "What happened?"_

_"I was calling you dad, a demon attacked and mom got hurt I c-cou-ldn't heal her and you didn't come. This is all my fault..."_

_"DAMN RIGHT IT IS! I KNEW YOU WERE AN ACCIDENT! If only you were more like Wyatt!" Leo yells at me. "SHUT UP LEO!" Wyatt finnally interupts obviously pissed. "This is all your fault, you should've comed and healed her! If you weren't such a lousy father and always prefered me, mom would be alive. I HATE YOU LEO! Now leave before I kick you out." Wyatt finishes with venom in his voice as he's holding and trying to comfort me._

_With a shocked expression Leo orbs out leaving now four crying teenagers._

_That was the last time I cried. _

It's all my fault.

I roll up my sleeves.

I should've known how to heal.

Or called Wyatt.

I slowly drag the blade across my skin watching the blood come out and slowly spill on the floor.

Or done some thing, anything than cry there like a _STUPID _little baby.

I drag the blade again and close my eyes as I try to forget everything... everything except the slight pain on my forearm that is starting to numb me from all the pain and releasing all my stress and anxiety.

I repeat this process a couple more times going a little deeper each time before I naturally start to clean myself and the floor where I seemed to have spilled some blood. As I finish I put a bandage on my wounds and roll my sleeves down.

I hear someone knock on the door and quickly check myself in the mirror for any marks of blood and then open the door.

"Mel? What's going on?"

"Nothing can't I just use the bathroom or do you think we'll reveal to many secrets." She says a smile tugging at her lips.

"No." I reply half smiling at her. "Where's Mel?"

"She's at the guest room Piper let us stay at." She says as she leans against the door frame.

"Well ok I'm gonna go talk to her." I say as I orb to the guest room after smiling at her.


	3. Secret no longer

Sorry I took so long to update but I've been busy. I want to thank lizardmomma and Sylvanspirit for reviewing, I appreciate it.

Disclaimer: I do not own CHARMED cause if I did it would never end and Chris would still be in it.

As I orb into the guest room I see Mel on the bed with her hands on her head while she's crying.

"Mel what's going on?" I say in a low voice as I sit next to her and hug her.

"I-It's just hard Chris, you know seeing her and not being able to hug her, call her mom, and tell her how much we love her. I just miss her so much." She siad in a trembling voice while crying on his shoulder.

"Mel, I miss her too and I know how it feels but all we can do is hope that the future is better when we get back. It'll be ok we'll get through this like we did with everything else." I say while stroking her hair and holding her tight.

"Yeah I know," she says while smiling weakly at me, "but what if we told her that she's our mom and prevent all of this from happening from destroying us." She says as she stands up with confidence. "Think about it Chris we would have our mother back and we deserve this after all life has taken away from us."

"Mel I don't think this is a good idea especially right now when we need to focus on saving Wyatt from turning evil they would probably just get distracted and I don't wanna now what happens if I fail this mission. More mistakes, more death, more pain and I couldn't take that any more." I say the last sentence more to myself than Mel.

"Chris...none of this is your fault. Someone got to Wyatt when he was little. And mom, that was dad's fault not yours. You did nothing wrong and you're here trying to fix other people's mistakes. Chris if anything you are a brave person for coming back and you don't have to do this alone me and Prue are here to help you and we are gonna do this together even if we fail." She says and after many years she can still read me well.

"You just don't get it Mel. THIS IS ALL MY FAULT!" I'm screaming as I stand up, "I SHOULD'VE SAVED HER! I SHOULD'VE HAVE HEALED HER OR SOMETHING! IF I HAD WYATT WOULDN'T BE EVIL!" And finally after years I can feel tears rolling down my cheeks. Mel after quickly recovering from shock quickly comes over to me and holds me and tries to comfort me but nothing can cure this guilt inside me that is slowly tearing me apart.

"Chris, mom wouldn't want you to blame yourself for this, she would want you to be happy."

"I know." I whisper as I finally stopped crying. "I should leave now. Demons to hunt." I give her a small smile as I make my way to the door.

"Just don't forget that I love you." She says as she grabs my arm lightly touching one of my scars through my sleeve making me flinch for a fraction of a second but long enough for her notice.

"What's wrong Chris?" She asks in a concerned voice.

"Nothing." I say quickly pulling my arm away but it's already to late she is rolling my sleeve up.

"Oh god Chris." She says as she looks at the dozens of scars in my forearms and after she takes a moment to decide what to ask, what to say I decide to look away as I feel ashamed of myself. "Why?"

At that moment Prue comes in and looks at my arms with shock in her eyes.

"Because." I say as I orb out quickly.

"What the hell happen?" Prue asks Mel.

"A lot but right now all I can say is that Chris needs someone and I j-just can't. Not right now. Could you please go he's at P3." She says as she sits in the bed looking at her hands.

"Ok." Mel sighs as she flames out.

And as soon Prue leaves Mel begins to cry but not long before she hears someone knock on the door, then come in and sit next to her and hold her. After a couple of minutes of crying she looks up to see her mother lookiung at her with concern in her eyes.

"What are you doing here?" Mel asks.

"Well I was gonna ask you if you wanted to eat but I don't know what to ask you anymore." She says not taking her eyes of Mel for one second.

"Don't worry about me I'm fine, I just had something in my eyes."

"For a whole five minutes? I don't think so. Now tell me what's really bothering you."

"Well the truth is can't really tell you much but it's Chris I just don't know how to help him."

"Mel you can trust me you know that, I would never betray you."

"Why?" Mel asks, slightly confused.

"Truly I don't know. I mean I care for you but I don't know why. I felt the same way for Chris whhen he first arrived but with Leo leaving and with his neurosis the feeling kinda change. He acts kinda cold toward us and he turned into a stranger to us, a neurotic one."

"Mo-...Piper uhh thanks I guess. But it's not really Chris's fault that he's that way. He has being through a lot and the future tends to turn even the sweetest little kids evil. NOT that Chris is but we lost all of our family in the future and Chris blames himself for everything especially our mom's death."

"But why would he? How could it be his fault?"

"Well he couldn't heal her after a demon attacked and he had to watch her die and after that he has never been the same."

"Oh." Was all that Piper could say with a sad expression on her face. "Well then it is not his fault and I'm sure his mother would want him to be happy."

"How could you be so sure?"

Piper looks at Mel straight in the eye and smiles, "Because I'm a mother and that's all mothers want children to be, happy."

"Thanks Piper I actually feel a little better." Mel says while picking up the courage to hug her mom and then having so she puts her arms around her mother and quickly gives her a hug which Piper returns.

"Your welcome. You know that any time you feel like talking I'm here for you and I'm willing to listen."

"Thanks again Piper you don't know how much this means to me. And actually I wanted to ask you something."

"Well ask away."

"Ok so I was talking to Chris and I was telling him that we should tell our mom he we are. I just really miss her and would like to hold her and tell her mom while she is still alive but Chris doesn't want to and I'm confused."

"Honestly after what happened to Chris I think he is more afraid to see his mom because he is afraid to lose her. As for your mom you should tell her because this is a once in a lifetime opportunity. You should enjoy this time you have because you may never get it again and you may leave with regrets of not doing so."

"Ok, thanks." Mel whispers while deep in thought. "Well I should go, Chris needs me even if I can't help him." Mel says as she stands up.

"Well maybe I could help."

"Doubt it and Chris would probably kill me if I told you. It's to personal for him." She smiles at Piper and finally orbs out."

PLEASE REVIEW!

Promise next chapter will be hopefully better, this one kinda sucked. Leo will be in it and will try post it soon. Thanks.


	4. Strip

_Can't believe that just happened. Ugh! How could I have been so stupid._

I roll my sleeve down as I sit on the couch at P3. God what am I going to do? I can't do this too Mel_ again._

I sigh as I begin to wonder how am I going to explain this to Mel. I can't tell her the truth but either way she'll know I'm lying. And Prue too, she saw my arm she'll ask questions and she's not that dumb and that's only if Mel hasn't told her yet. I put my head in my hands and let out a frustrated sigh.

As I hear someone come in I silently curse at the awaiting conversation but am suprised to see Prue instead of Mel.

"What are you doing here?" I ask.

"Well I'm not exactly sure. I was hoping you could tell me." She said motioning with her head toward my arm.

"I don't know what to say or were to start." For once I honestly told her the truth.

"Well let me help you out there. Why did you have all those cuts and scars on your arms? Why was Mel crying? Why are you so nervous? I don't know, what the hell is going on?"

"This is a really hard and long story to explain."

"Well don't worry I have all day and I'll be understanding." She said as she sat next to me on the sofa and put her hand on my fore arm and slowly lifted my sleve revealing my scars making me feel naked in a way. She ran her fingers across my scars until she reached my hand to hold it. "Why?"

I guess she is smarter than I give her credit for. I should've known she would now these were self-inflicted. "I-I-ah...because of everything."

She gives my hand a reasurring squeeze . "You don't have to do this Chris. We are here for you now and we are going to help you get through this. We care about you Chris. I care about you and I don't want you to hurt yourself anymore.Promise me you won't do it anymore."

"I'm sorry and I promise you I'll stop." I say as I look down feeling in shame. There goes another person I hurt.

"Don't be. But you could make it up to me." She says while a smile appears on her beautiful face.

"Anything for my favorite cousin."

"Anything?" She whispers in my ear seductively.

"Anything." I say back as i realize she is still holding my hand.

"Well..." She says getting up and letting my hand go making me feel kinda empty. "Piper invited us to a picnic and I want us all to go."

"Huh? No that is a bad idea."

"Too bad you already agreed."

"Aww. Come on I'll do something else instead."

"Strip."

"Okay." I say as I reach for my belt.

"Hey hey slow down there cowboy I was just kidding. As much as I would enjoy seeing you strip I want to go to the picnic and you have to come, there is no other option." She says while blushing.

Wow. Did she just say she would enjoy to see me strip. "Well ok. But I know I'll regret this later."

"Regret what later?" Mel asks as she orbs in.

Still not sure how things are between us i decide to play it cool and say, "Going to the picnic with Piper."

"Wow. I ask you to come talk to him and you manage to get him to go to the picnic." Mel says obviously suprise.

"And lets not forget he promise to stop hurting himself from now on." Prue says happily.

"Well lets hope he doesnt brake that promise again." Mel says with resentment.

"Look Mel I'm sorry I made you go through this again and promise that I won't do this again because the last thing I want to do is hurt you."

"Don't scare me like that again Christopher because after last time I don't think I can handle it again. Especially if I fail to come."

"There's nothing to worry about Mel. I just slipped but I'll be better."

"What did you mean brake that promise again and fail to come?" Mel asks.

"Look Prue when I was young after mom's death I started cutting because I blamed myself for everything. The guilt got so bad up to the point that I tried to kill myself one time but Mel saved me. But that's past now and it doesn't matter anymore and unless you want me too continue to remember painful memories lets just drop it and forget it ever happened ok?"

"Aye Aye Captain Chris." Mel says jokingly.

"Well lets head back to the house before were late." Mel says before orbing out and we follow after her.

Okay sucky chapter really short and a thousand apologies for the late update but ive been busy so ill hope i can update sooner but no promise. Thanks again to all my wonderful reviewers and please review again.


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